NYC Comedy Picks for Week of December 30, 2013

NYC Comedy Picks for Monday 12/30/13

Maria Dizzia & Julie Sharbutt are among the Broadway & TV stars colliding scripted theatre into improv at Gravid Water

Recommendations for the best in New York City comedy tonight

(in chronological order, with top picks noted and shows over $10 marked with $) include:

[TOP PICK] [$] 7:00 pm, 8:45 pm, 10:30 pm, and 12:15 am ($12 per show, plus 2-item food/drink min.): Tonight's lineups include Michael Che, Kevin Brennan, and Marina Franklin at the 7:00 show; Michael Che, Kevin Brennan, Lynn Koplitz, and Big Jay Oakerson at the 8:45 show; Ted Alexandro, James Smith, and Lenny Marcus at the 10:30 show; and Todd Barry, Marc Normand, and Greer Barnes at the 12:15 pm show, with all shows at Comedy Cellar (117 MacDougal Street, between 3rd Street & Minetta Lane): Comedy Cellar Monday

7:00 pm ($5): "The Bible is kind of a crazy book. It's full of violence, rape, slaves, and glaring continuity errors. Some people think it's the word of God. David Tuchman thinks it's hilarious. That's why he went back to the original Hebrew of the Old Testament and wrote a brand new translation of the whole darn thing. David is joined by a guest who tries to read as many chapters of his translation as possible while David makes fun of it. It's kind of like Hebrew school, but with a lot more cussing" at The Magnet theatre: OMGWTFBIBLE

[MEGA-TOP PICK] 8:00 pm ($5; sold out of seats, but you can probably get in for standing room via the standby line): Star improvisors Scott Adsit, Becky Drysdale, Zach Woods, Tami Sagher, and Michael Delaney, and Broadway/TV stars Maria Dizzia (Orange Is The New Black; Tony nominated for In The Next Room), Jonathan Kaplan (Diary of Anne Frank on Broadway, Tony-nominated for Falsettos), Amy Warren (Boardwalk Empire; August: Osage County on Broadway), and Julie Sharbutt (The Good Wife) crash improv into classic theatre scenes at UCB Chelsea for actor/director Stephen Ruddy's Gravid Water

[TOP PICK] 8:00 pm ($5): "Stories of all sizes that define our place in the universe," hosted at UCB East by Adam Wade (two-time Moth GrandSlam Storytelling Champion (2006 & 2009) and record-breaking 18-time StorySlam Champion; The New York Times Magazine; host of hilarious monthly storytelling extravaganzas The Adam Wade Show and Whatever Happened to the Nerds?; for a sampling of Adam's award-winning tales, please click here), and featuring tonight's superb guest storytellers Jim O'Grady (The New York Times, WNYC Radio, Moth GrandSlam Champion) and Dave Martin (host of The Nights of Our Lives), plus "the Wade Family Singers:" Tales of the Cosmos

[TOP PICK] 8:00 pm ($10): Stand-ups Myq Kaplan (one of the quickest minds in comedy, and rapidly rising star; finalist on most recent Last Comic Standing; David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, Jay Leno, Comedy Central Presents, hit comedy CDs Vegan Mind Meld and Meat Robot) and Casey Jost (staff writer for Jimmy Fallon), and dark comedy group Murderfist (NYC's fearless heavy metal version of a sketch troupe; winner of the 2010 ECNY Award) performing at The PIT upstairs theatre with twins Adam & Todd Stone: Stone and Stone Show

8:30 pm ($5): "A look at a group of people on their last night together before graduation. No one knows what will happen tomorrow, but for now, anything is possible. And they only have one night to do it:" We're Gonna Live Forever

[TOP PICK] 9:30 pm ($5): An improv group attempts to abandon rules for the sake of achieving new levels of hilarity: "What form? What type of show? Fuck that shit, just come and laugh." The experiment in anarchy takes place at UCB East starring Tim Martin, Don Fanelli, Kate Riley, Dru Johnston, Terry Withers, and Josh Patten: Fuck That Shit

9:30 pm ($5): Young comics at UCB Chelsea look back at what was awful in 2013 at a sketch show that's an annual UCB tradition: The It Sucked! Awards

9:30 pm ($8): A look back at the highlights of 2013 via sketch and improv at The PIT upstairs theatre: Toppers 2013

[TOP PICK] [FREE] 10:00 pm: Dan St. Germain (enormously likeable and rapidly rising star who has several shows in the works; Jimmy Fallon, Comedy Central Half-Hour Special, The Electric Company, MTV, VH1), Joe Pera (hilarious deadpan Andy Kaufman-like stand-up; one time I saw Joe sing beautifully and then smash three dozen plates to pieces; another time he ended his set by slicing milk; and when headlining at Carolines he had a first date on stage with a random member of the audience; for Joe's latest Kaufman awards submissions, please click here and here), Lee Camp (Jimmy Fallon, Comedy Central, Showtime, The Onion), Jon Huck (Comedy Central, MTV, VH1), Mike Feeney, Kelly Fastuca, Joe Vecsey, and more performing for this free weekly show at The Stand Comedy Club (239 Third Avenue & 20th Street): Frantic Mondays

[TOP PICK] [$] 10:00 pm ($15 & 2-drink min.): Todd Barry (David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, Comedy Central Presents, FX's Louie, HBO's Flight of the Conchords and Bored to Death, Adult Swim, feature films The Wrestler and Pete Smalls is Dead), Kurt Metzger (staff writer for Inside Amy Schumer; Jimmy Fallon, Comedy Central Presents, Ugly Americans), Dwayne Perkins (Conan O'Brien, Jay Leno, Comedy Central Half Hour), Jon Huck (Comedy Central, MTV, VH1), Maddog Mattern (Sirius Radio, Howard Stern TV; to see Maddog handle a heckler, please click here), Gibran Saleem (MTV), and Avi Liberman performing stand-up at the Gotham Comedy Club: ComedyJuice

10:00 pm ($5): Improv is dominated by guys, so this is a rare treat—a dozen female improvisors "for an evening of comedy that will delight men, women, babies, and kittens," hosted by Megan Gray: We Might Just Kiss

[TOP PICK] [FREE] 11:00 pm: Some of the finest comics in the world—who aren't announced in advance, but it's virtually always a great lineup—at UCB Chelsea hosted by the wonderful Leo Allen: Whiplash

Monday Open Mics & Jams

5:00 pm ($5): Two-hour open-mic for 20 stand-ups performing for 5 minutes each, with sign-up online here, at the Stand Up NY Comedy Club (236 West 78th Street): Stand Up NY Open Mic

6:00 pm & 8:00 pm (no cover, 1 drink min. for both comics and audience members): Open mic stand-up providing 5-7 minutes per comic, with each show running 1 hour and 45 minutes. Arrive 30 minutes before the show you want to be in to get on the signup sheet. This is a fine opportunity to perform at the only comedy club in the East Village: Eastville Comedy Club Open Mic

[FREE] 6:00 pm: An open-mic stand-up show, with 10 comics each performing for 5 minutes, at The Creek upstairs theatre in Queens' Long Island City hosted by Abigoliah Schamaun & Peggy O'Leary: Dicks Open Mic

[TOP PICK] [FREE] 6:30 pm: Open-mic storytelling, with names drawn out of a bucket at UCB East in the bar area ("Hot Chicks Room"), hosted by Julia Wiedeman: Happy Hour Open-Mic Storytelling with Julia Wiedeman

7:00 pm ($2, which includes a free beer or water): Open mic stand-up providing a whopping 10 minutes per comic. Email PhoningItInMic@gmail.com with subject line Phoning Monday to sign up; or take a chance at lottery sign-up live between 6:45 and 7:45 at Brit Pack Studios (153 Lafayette Street, 3rd Floor) hosted by Tim Duffy: Comics Phoning It In

[FREE] 7:00 pm: An open-mic stand-up show, with 10 comics each performing for 5 minutes, at Brooklyn's Colony (274 4th Avenue) hosted by Emily Winter: Sparky the Dog Open Mic

7:30 pm ($10; sign-up starts at 7:00 pm): Open mic for stand-ups, storytellers, singers, poets, actors, and more, with 5 minutes per performer and 25 slots available, at One and One Bar's Downstairs Nexus Lounge (76 1st Street, corner of First Avenue) hosted by Nathan P., followed by a raucous afterparty with dancing & drink specials from 10:00 to midnight: Inspired Word's Open Mic Joint

[TOP PICK] [FREE] 8:00 pm: Biweekly open mic for telling stories about sex, desire and romance at The Delancey (168 Delancey Street) hosted by Jefferson and tonight featuring guest storyteller Jessie Male: Foreplay: A Sexy Storytelling Open Mic

[TOP PICK] [FREE] 8:00 pm: This weekly two-hour open mic storytelling show allows each performer 8 minutes to tell a compelling and funny tale at Queens LIC's The Creek downstairs lounge, with host Jake Hart and tonight's guest Taylor Clark: The Dump

10:30 pm ($5): Improv veterans Brandon Gardner, Chelsea Clarke, and Phillip Jackson hosting & performing in a show at UCB East with improvisors taken from the audience...and who may include you: Improv Nerds Jam

[FREE] 10:30 pm: Improv students are welcomed onto the stage at The PIT downstairs lounge for this weekly open access show hosted by Gary DeNoia & Langston Belton: Base Jam

[ALMOST FREE] 11:00 pm ($1): If you're an audience member who loves stand-up, Monday at 11 should be Whiplash! night. If you're a comic who couldn't get booked on UCBT's all-star show, though, you can opt to instead practice your skills at this exceptionally supportive stand-up open-mic at The PIT upstairs theatre hosted by Jarrid Reed: Fresh

Best Inexpensive Stand-Up, Improv, Sketch, and Storytelling

Upright Citizens Brigade Chelsea
(307 West 26th Street; 150-seater; shows free-$10; one of the most respected comedy theatres in the world)

Upright Citizens Brigade East
(153 East 3rd Street; 99-seat main theatre, bar area for open mics; shows free-$10)

The PIT
(123 East 24th Street; 99-seat upstairs theatre, 40-seat downstairs theatre; shows free-$15)

The Magnet
(254 West 29th Street; 60-seat theatre; shows $5-$10)

The Creek and the Cave
(Queens' Long Island City; 40-seat theatre upstairs, 25 downstairs; virtually all shows free)

Best NYC Stand-Up Comedy Clubs

Comedy Cellar
(117 MacDougal Street; among the finest daily stand-up lineups in the world; 2-item min.)

The Stand
(239 Third Avenue; recent competitor to Comedy Cellar; no drink min.—support this policy!)

Carolines Comedy Club
(1626 Broadway; focuses on the world's top headliners, who perform hour-long sets; 2-drink min.)

Gotham Comedy Club
(208 West 23rd Street; headliners on weekends, specialty & lineup shows weekdays; 2-drink min.)

Eastville Comedy Club
(85 East 4th Street; strong weekend lineups; no cover using code HyReviews; 2-drink min.)

Greenwich Village Comedy Club
(99 MacDougal Street; convenient if Comedy Cellar's sold out; no cover using code HyReviews; 2-drink min.)

Comic Strip Live
(1568 Second Avenue, off 81st; Upper East Side club with typically solid lineups; 2-drink min.)

Stand Up NY
(236 West 78th Street, off Broadway; Upper West Side club with typically solid lineups; 2-drink min.)

Laughing Devil
(4738 Vernon Blvd., by #7 train; Queens LIC club, with MST3K-style movie night on Thursdays; 2-drink min.)

NYC Comedy Picks for Tuesday 12/31/13

Happy (almost) New Year! Ring in 2014 with laughs at one or more of the comedy venues below.

Recommendations for the best in New York City comedy this New Year's Eve

(in chronological order, with top picks noted and shows over $10 marked with $) include:

[TOP PICK] [$] 6:00 pm ($25, which includes a glass of champagne—and, if you guess right, a t-shirt; this is SOLD OUT, but you can call (212) 989-9319 and/or arrive early to get on a waiting list, because some reservations will be no-shows): Four funny people tell amazing stories. Three of the tales are absolutely true...but one of them is a pack of lies. The audience then asks questions to try and identify the fibber—and everyone who does gets a free t-shirt! This evening's yarn-spinners are Leslie Goshko (delightful & razor-sharp storyteller/comic; WNYC, Sirius XM, Huffington Post, host of Sideshow Goshko), Aaron Wolf (Moth GrandSlam Champion), Tracy Rowland (TV writer/editor), and Martin Dockery (five-time Moth GrandSlam finalist). Come to the West Village's Cornelia Street Cafe (29 Cornelia Street) and let host Andy Christie (The New York Times, NPR, Moth GrandSlam champion, exceptionally nice guy) attempt to mislead you on New Year's Eve at The Liar Show

[FREE] 6:15 pm: Open mic for comedy of all types providing 2 minutes for each performer (with sign-up starting at 6:00) at Queens LIC's The Creek upstairs theatre hosted by Jay Dean and Tynan DeLong: Two Nice Guys Open MIc

[$] 6:45 pm ($20; no min.): Adrienne Iapalucci (David Letterman, Last Comic Standing, VH1), Godfrey (Comedy Central Presents, Louie, 30 Rock, VH1; films Zoolander, Original Gangsters, Soul Plane; 7 Up Yours ads), Pete Davidson (MTV's Guy Code), Derek Gaines, and Monroe Martin performing stand-up at The Stand Comedy Club at 239 Third Avenue & 20th Street. (Please note The Stand has two other shows tonight, at 8:30 and 10:30, but those are both sold out): Adrienne Iapalucci, Godfrey, and More

[$] 8:00 pm ($40 plus 2-item food/drink min.): Gregg Rogell (Conan O'Brien, Jay Leno, Louie, Comedy Central), Greer Barnes (David Letterman, Chappelle's Show, For the Love of the Game), Lenny Marcus (David Letterman, MTV), Lynne Koplitz (Joan Know's Best, IFC's Z Rock, host of WB's Life & Style), Dan Naturman (David Letterman, Jay Leno), and Modi (Comedy Central) performing stand-up at Comedy Cellar (117 MacDougal Street, between 3rd Street & Minetta Lane) hosted by Keith Robinson (HBO, Comedy Central, Wanda Sykes Show): Gregg Rogell, Greer Barnes, Lenny Marcus, and More

[$] 8:00 pm & 10:30 pm ($25 for 8:00 pm, $60 for 10:30 pm, plus 2-drink min.): Stand-ups Roy Wood Jr., Lenny Marcus, and Angelo Lozada perform at the Gotham Comedy Club: New Year's Eve with Roy Wood Jr.

[TOP PICK] [FREE] 9:00 pm: Some of the finest alternative comics in NYC perform at this free New Year's Eve show, featuring Joe Pera (hilarious deadpan Andy Kaufman-like stand-up; one time I saw Joe sing beautifully and then smash three dozen plates to pieces; another time he ended his set by slicing milk; and when headlining at Carolines he had a first date on stage with a random member of the audience; for Joe's latest Kaufman awards submissions, please click here and here), Nick Vatterott (Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Fallon, Comedy Central's The Half Hour, MTV, Second City, 2012 Andy Kaufman Award), Murderfist (NYC's fearless heavy metal version of a sketch troupe; winner of the 2010 ECNY Award), and more at Queens LIC's The Creek upstairs theatre hosted by Abigoliah Schamaun (and followed at midnight by an oddball carny sideshow in which Abigoliah will probably eat a light bulb): Alternative New Year's

[$] 9:00 pm ($20): Harry Terjanian (Sirius XM Radio, 2013 Andy Kaufman Award winner), Selena Coppock (author of book The New Rules for Blondes, host of Connotation), Sam Grittner, Todd Mole, and more performing stand-up at People's Republic of Brooklyn (247 Smith Street) hosted by Tim Ellis & Mo Fathelbab and followed by partying through 2:00 am: Party Manifesto New Year's Eve Comedy Bash

[$] 10:00 pm ($80 plus 2-item food/drink min.): Dave Attell (one of the most respected stand-ups in the biz; star of Showtime's Dave's Old Porn and Comedy Central's Insomniac; HBO, David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, Jay Leno, The Daily Show, Comedy Central Presents), Nick Griffin (David Letterman, Jay Leno, Comedy Central Presents), Greer Barnes (David Letterman, Chappelle's Show, For the Love of the Game), Marina Franklin (Jay Leno, Last Comic Standing, Chappelle's Show, VH1), James Smith (Australian comic; HBO's Flight of the Conchords, Comedy Central; for stand-up video on what it's like to be Australian in New York, please click here), Lynne Koplitz (Joan Know's Best, IFC's Z Rock, host of WB's Life & Style), Rick Crom (Broadway's Urinetown and Footloose, Chappelle's Show), William Stephenson (FX's Louie, The Chris Rock Show), and Ardie Fuqua (HBO's Bad Boys of Comedy, Comedy Central) performing stand-up at Comedy Cellar (117 MacDougal Street, between 3rd Street & Minetta Lane) hosted by Keith Robinson (HBO, Comedy Central, Wanda Sykes Show): Dave Attell, Nick Griffin, Greer Barnes, Marina Franklin, and More

[TOP PICK] [$] 10:30 pm ($45, plus 2-drink min.): Judah Friedlander (one of the quickest minds in comedy; 30 Rock, Meet the Parents, Along Came Polly, author of How to Beat Up Anybody), Rich Vos (stand-up star on two seasons of Last Comic Standing and on Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn; Comedy Central Presents; Opie & Anthony radio show), and Bonnie McFarlane (HBO, David Letterman, Jay Leno, Last Comic Standing, Comedy Central) performing stand-up at the Stand Up NY Comedy Club (236 West 78th Street): New Year's Eve with Judah Friedlander, Rich Vos, and Bonnie McFarlane

NYC Comedy Picks for Wednesday 1/1/14

Wishing you a joyous, wondrous, and hilarious 2014

Recommendations for the best in New York City comedy on this New Year's Day (in chronological order, with top picks noted and shows over $10 marked with $):

[FREE] 6:00 pm: With the New Year comes the kickoff of this new open mic stand-up show that provides each performer whose name is pulled from a bucket 5 minutes on stage at The Creek downstairs lounge in Queens' Long Island City hosted by Kaity Neagle & Irene Hartmann: Ragtag Team Open Mic Stand-Up

[TOP PICK] [$] 7:00 pm, 8:45 pm, 10:30 pm, and 12:15 am ($24 per show, plus 2-item food/drink min.): Tonight's lineups include Michael Che, Jon FIsch, Greer Barnes, and James Smith at the 7:00 show; Michael Che, Nick Griffin, Greer Barnes, and Nikki Glaser at the 8:45 show; Todd Barry, Michael Che, Andy Hendrickson, Big Jay Oakerson, and Joe List at the 10:30 show; and Mark Normand, Kurt Metzger, Sam Morril, and Wil Sylvince at the 12:15 show, with all shows at Comedy Cellar (117 MacDougal Street, between 3rd Street & Minetta Lane): Comedy Cellar: Todd Barry, Mark Normand, Michael Che, Jon Fisch, and More on New Year's Day

[$] 7:30 pm ($27.25 plus 2-drink minimum): Myq Kaplan (one of the quickest minds in comedy, and rapidly rising star; finalist on most recent Last Comic Standing; David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, Jay Leno, Comedy Central Presents, hit comedy CDs Vegan Mind Meld and Meat Robot), Maddog Mattern (Sirius Radio, Howard Stern TV; to see Maddog handle a heckler, please click here), Nimesh Patel, and Mike Cannon performing stand-up at the Carolines Comedy Club hosted by Sam Morril (Comedy Central) & Joe Machi: The Sam & Joe Show: Featuring Myq Kaplan

[FREE] 8:00 pm: NYC stand-ups do sets "and then have a discussion about what’s going on in the world and the mysteries of life" at The Creek upstairs theatre in Queens' Long Island City, hosted by Chris Laker: The Show

[FREE] 9:00 pm: The Lucas Brothers (Jimmy Fallon, FOX's Lucas Bros Moving Company), Jo Firestone, Brett Davis, and Kerryn Feehan performing stand-up, plus Will Hines (superb improvisor & sketch comic), and musical guest The Ben Seretan Group, all performing at Brooklyn's Muchmore's (2 Havemeyer Street) hosted by Kat Toledo: Wild at Heart

[$] 10:30 pm ($16.50 online or $20 at the door, plus 2-drink min.): Nick Vatterott (Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Fallon, Comedy Central's The Half Hour, MTV, Second City, 2012 Andy Kaufman Award), Joe List (HBO, Last Comic Standing, Comedy Central), Calise Hawkins (Jimmy Fallon, Last Comic Standing, Comedy Central, writer for Playboy.com), Ryan Reiss (MTV, FOX, WE, NICK), and Teddy Smith performing stand-up at the Stand Up NY Comedy Club (236 West 78th Street): Nick Vatterott, Joe List, and Calise Hawkins at Stand Up NY

[FREE] 11:00 pm: Open mic stand-up running until 1:00 am, with time divided evenly between performers (up to five minutes), at The Creek downstairs lounge in Queens' Long Island City with host Rob Stern: Bucket 'O Buckets

NYC Comedy Picks for Thursday 1/2/14

Paul Provenza provides set lists that Michael Che (above), Mark Normand, Mike Lawrence,
Kurt Metzger, and more perform on the spot at Village Underground

Recommendations for the best in New York City comedy tonight
(in chronological order, with top picks noted and shows over $10 marked with $) include:

6:00 pm ($5): Improv group Gadget makes up scenes at the UCB Chelsea theatre: The Gadget Hour

[TOP PICK] 7:00 pm ($5): Fun surreal stand-up Zack Kahn (co-host of The Andy Dick Radio Show; for video samples, please click here and here) performs a one-man show at The PIT upstairs theatre: Zack’s In the City

7:00 pm ($8): J Hobart B, Amanda Peck, Michael Newman, and some friends perform improv for one night only at The PIT upstairs theatre: H.A.M. and Friends

[TOP PICK] [$] 7:45 pm, 9:30 pm, and 11:30 pm ($14 per show, plus 2-item food/drink min.): Tonight's lineups include Michael Che, Gregg Rogell, and Ryan Hamilton at the 7:45 show, Michael Che, Nick Griffin, Greer Barnes, Marina Franklin, and James Smith at the 9:30 show, and Dave Attell, Nikki Glaser, and James Smith at the 12:15 show, with all shows at Comedy Cellar (117 MacDougal Street, between 3rd Street & Minetta Lane): Comedy Cellar Thursday

7:30 pm ($5): Phoebe Robinson (MTV’s Girl Code, Glamour Magazine), Mike Cannon (MTV), Joel Walkowski, and Alex Grubard performing stand-up at UCB East hosted by Sean Crespo, Dan Wilbur, and/or Katina Corrao: Lasers in the Jungle

[$] 7:30 pm ($35 & 2-drink min.): An Iranian-American stand-up headlining tonight through Sunday at the Carolines Comedy Club: Max Amini

[TOP PICK] [$] 8:00 pm ($20, plus 2-item food/drink min.): Stand-ups perform set lists on the spot provided by Paul Provenza, with tonight's comics Mark Normand (hilarious red-hot rising star; Conan O'Brien, Last Comic Standing, Comedy Central; opens for Amy Schumer; co-host of Hot Soup and We're All Friends Here), Michael Che (hilarious rising star stand-up; David Letterman, Comedy Central, VH1), Mike Lawrence (nerd persona but razor-sharp mind has made this stand-up a rapidly rising star; Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Fallon, Comedy Central Half Hour, John Oliver's NY Stand-Up, comedy album Sadamantium), Kurt Metzger (staff writer for Inside Amy Schumer; Jimmy Fallon, Comedy Central Presents, Ugly Americans), Big Jay Oakerson (Comedy Central Presents, Louie, HBO, Showtime, MTV, IFC), and more thinking quickly on their feet at Village Underground (130 West 3rd Street, off Sixth Avenue): Set List with Paul Provenza

[TOP PICK] 8:00 pm ($5): Superb improvisors Nate Dern, Morgan Grace Jarrett, Natasha Rothwell, Jordan Klepper, Chad Carter, and Natasha Vaynblat ask auidence members about their New Year's resolutions and then springboard scenes about how they'll inevitably fail at the UCB Chelsea theatre: Already Failed: A New Year's Resolution Improv Show

[FREE] 8:00 pm: NYC stand-ups Mike Denny, Zach Erwin, Adam Mamawala, and Joyelle Nicole Johnson performing at Poco Restaurant & Bar (33 Avenue B at 3rd Street) hosted by Sooyah Jun and/or Jawann Carmona: FTH Comedy

8:00 pm ($10): Improv troupe The Jessicas (which includes dynamic actress Jessica Sherr) makes stuff up with guest improvisor Kevin Cragg, plus opening improv groups Student Driver and On Condom Pond, all at The PIT upstairs theatre: The Jessicas Have a Crush on Kevin Cragg

8:00 pm-10:00 pm ($7 for the entire evening): The Magnet house improv groups Junior Varsity and Hello Laser performing improv for an hour, followed at 9:00 pm by One-Hit Wonder (veteran musical improvisors make up the story of a band: how they met, how they became successful with their big hit song, their downfall, and where they are today), at 10:00 pm by veteran improvisors making up scenes based on improvised monologues from storyteller Heather Trobe at The Armando Diaz Experience, and finally at 11:00 by improv competition Inspirado (like UCBT's Cage Match, but with a game-like challenge component) with Weekend of Regret vs. The Flood: The Magnet's Night Out

[FREE] 8:00 pm: Aparna Nancherla (delightfully wry stand-up; Conan O'Brien; writer for FX's Totally Biased), Ben Lerman (nuanced raunchy comedic singer/songwriter; Logo TV's NewNowNext, Sirius Radio's Frank DeCaro Show), Justy Dodge (co-host of Married to Comedy podcast and Too Much Information on comicalradio.com; "I was kind of a tomboy growing up. Like, I had Barbies, but only because my Ninja Turtles needed bitches;" for dark bio video, please click here), Myka Fox, Gonzalo Cordova, and Tynan Delong performing stand-up or songs at The Creek downstairs lounge in Queens' Long Island City hosted by Jay Dean: In The Garage

[FREE] 8:00 pm: NYC stand-ups (not announced) performing at The Creek's upstairs theatre in Queens' Long Island City hosted by Leah Bonnema & Tim Warner: Modern Day Philosophers

[TOP PICK] [$] [DISCOUNTED] 9:00 pm (FREE TICKETS if you reserve in advance by calling (212) 260-2445 and mention HyReviews.com, but there's still a 2-drink min. per person): Ted Alexandro (one of the very finest stand-ups in the country; David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel, two Comedy Central Presents half-hour specials; frequently opens for Louis C.K.), Wil Sylvince (Comedy Central, BET's Comic View), and more performing stand-up at the only comedy club in the East Village: Eastville Comedy Club

9:30 pm ($5): At UCB Chelsea, Allie Kokesh & Matthew Brian Cohen explore their failed relationship, both as themselves and with Amanda Ratti & Josh Sharp as their doppelgangers, in a show that's just as insular as it sounds but is nontheless a pleasant way to spend 30 minutes: Why We Broke Up...

...and in the second half of this double-bill, writer/performers Dru Johnston & Don Fanelli use song, dance, sketch comedy, and PowerPoint to demonstrate that "Billy Joel is the greatest recording artist of all time:" Sketches From an Italian Restaurant: A Billy Joel Sketch Show

9:30 pm ($8): Story, song, and dance made up on the spot based on an audience suggestion from a young musical improv group at the PIT upstairs theatre: Good Catch

10:00 pm ($6): The debut of "a fun interactive show where a panel of comedians break down pop culture and political news with the help of news clips, sound bites, and a quick round of pop culture trivia," featuring Mike Cannon (MTV), Kid Fury, Brandon Collins, and Mike Brown at The Creek upstairs theatre in Queens' Long Island City: Pop Americano

[TOP PICK] 11:00 pm ($5): This year's Cage Match improv playoffs continue, pitting the best against the best. Previously Death by Roo Roo obliterated What I Did For Love by winning 83 votes to 43. Tonight two more weekend improv groups clash as the longest running team at UCB, The Stepfathers, battle Grandma's Ashes for title of "greatest relative" via your laughs and votes at UCB Chelsea for the raucous Cage Match

11:00 pm ($5): NYC comics (not announced) performing at UCB East with hosts Zach Broussard (Fambly, Sirius XM), Nick Maritato (Meatsteak, This American Life), and Nate Fernald (Team Submarine), directed by Randy Foreman: Special Presentation

Thursday Open Mics & Jams

5:00 pm ($5): Two-hour open-mic for 20 stand-ups performing for 5 minutes each, with sign-up online here, at the Stand Up NY Comedy Club (236 West 78th Street): Stand Up NY Open Mic

[FREE] 5:30 pm: All-gal open-mic at UCB East in the bar area ("Hot Chicks Room") hosted by Anna Drezen & Sue Smith: Open Michelle: Ladies Open Mic

[FREE] 6:00 pm: Open-mic stand-up with comics' names drawn from a bucket and each chosen receiving 2 minutes—and if that goes well, maybe a hug (but not actual puppies)—at The Creek's upstairs theatre in Queens' Long Island City hosted by Ross Parsons & Trey Galyon: Free Puppies

6:00 pm (no cover, 1 drink min. for both comics and audience members): Open mic stand-up providing 5-7 minutes per comic, running 2 1/2 hours. Arrive 30 minutes before the show to get on the signup sheet. This is a fine opportunity to perform at the only comedy club in the East Village: Eastville Comedy Club Open Mic

7:00 pm ($2, which includes a free beer or water): Open mic stand-up providing a whopping 10 minutes per comic. Email PhoningItInMic@gmail.com with subject line Phoning Thursday to sign up; or take a chance at lottery sign-up live between 6:45 and 7:45 at Brit Pack Studios (153 Lafayette Street, 3rd Floor) hosted by Ian Fidance: Comics Phoning It In

[FREE] 7:00 pm: In this free Magnet show, audience members (signing in at 6:00) can join in with improv group Junior Varsity to make up scenes on the spot: Magnet Mixer

9:30 pm (free for audience members, $5 or 1 drink min. for stand-ups wanting to perform): Open mic stand-up providing 7 minutes per comic (and a free recording of your set!), with order determined raffle-style. Sign up by emailing info@oldmanhustle.com or calling (212) 253-7747, or just walk in and supply your name, to perform at the Old Man Hustle Bar (39 Essex Street) hosted by Solomon Chehebar: Peep Show Comedy Open Mic

[FREE] 11:00 pm: An open-mic show that's first come, first serve, with each comic getting 3-5 minutes on stage at The Creek downstairs lounge in Queens' Long Island City hosted by Josh Alba: Mic and Cheese

[ALMOST FREE] 11:00 pm ($1): An open stage for indie improv groups—and if you're not in a group, that's also fine, you'll simply be added to one—at The PIT downstairs lounge hosted by Darcy Burke & Donna Lobello: New Team Lunacy